The Ghost and the Machine
by RockSunner
Summary: Ed Machine, the CEO of Destroido, receives a visitor after his cicada attack, and is forced to tell all. Spoilers for episodes up 13.
1. Questions in the Dark

**The Ghost and the Machine**

This is a Mystery Inc fan-fiction around Ed Machine, CEO of Destroido Corp., when he gets a visitor after his cicada attack. Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters of the Scooby-Doo series, either old or new.

**Chapter 1**

"Wake up, Mr. Machine," said a voice. "Do not try to get up just yet. You were attacked by cicadas and have been in a coma for several days."

Ed Machine tried anyway, and found he couldn't. Neither could he see because something was around his eyes.

"What is this? Who are you?" Ed asked.

"For now you may call me Mr. E," said the voice. "You have caused me some difficulties recently and we need to talk. I have taken the liberty of chaining you to your bed and blindfolding you."

"What! No! Help anybody, a crazy person's got me!"

"That will do no good. You aren't in the hospital any more where a friendly doctor or nurse might hear you," said Mr. E.

Ed thrashed, trying to get loose, until he heard a soft fluttering noise. "What was that?"

"I have a jar of cicadas with me. Co-operate or I will let them crawl and buzz all over you."

"No! Anything but that. I'll talk."

"You've been taking my name in vain recently, haven't you? Those notes hidden inside a sealed bag of Nature Slivers were supposedly from me, but they weren't."

"All right, I admit it. There was a monster interfering with Destroido employees. It had to be stopped, and I know the reputation of those kids. I couldn't just ask them – that would be too suspicious. But I knew they would investigate anything if they thought it was from you," said Ed.

"They solved it, by the way," said Mr. E.

"Too late for me. I didn't think they would dare attack me; I'm the CEO for crying out loud. Who did it?"

"Grandma Moonbeam," said Mr. E.

"What? That little old lady? How? How could she control swarms of cicadas?"

"She says she learned how to use sound to do it by watching a nature channel show on penguins. Not the whole story, I think. But let that go for now."

"Did she say why?" Ed asked.

"She said you were putting landfill in her Nature Slivers."

"That's a lie. She's crazy. She must be to go around attacking people with bugs. Besides, she's a hypocrite. 'All natural fish oil, flax, and wheat.' You can't eat flax fiber, either. It's just filler," said Ed.

"So you decided to use something cheaper and make more profit. I see," said Mr. E.

"We couldn't do it if we wanted to now, after all the publicity. So there's no proof. Just a crazy woman's word against ours."

"Why did you choose the bag of chips to send a message to Shaggy Rogers?"

"I know you like to use all sorts of sneaky ways to send messages and I can't duplicate your voice or your 'E' seal. So I did something a little tricky. I put the messages into an open bag of chips before it was sealed on the assembly line. Then I gave it to one of our vending machine men. When Shaggy came by at his usual time, he found the vending machine being filled. The employee apologized for making him wait and handed him a bag of Nature Slivers on the house," said Ed. "One for his dog, too."

"Foolish. That left an obvious trail back to the company for me to follow," said Mr. E.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it did get the culprit caught."

"That wasn't the first time you sent messages in my name, is it?"

"What do you mean? It was," said Ed.

"You're lying. I want you to tell me about the magazine, and the girl," said Mr. E.

"The girl?" asked Ed.

"Stacy Gwen. Or, as you had her call herself, Alice May."

Ed shuddered as he realized how much Mr. E knew.

"Talk, or face the cicadas," said Mr. E.


	2. Revelation of Mr E

**Chapter 2**

Ed said, "You've got the wrong guy. Probably just somebody else who looks like me."

"You're lying. Bailing someone out of jail leaves a documented trail that I could follow. It was definitely you, Mr. Machine," said Mr. E.

"All right, it was me. I bailed that little tramp out of jail," said Ed.

"But why? She kidnapped a young man, Randy Donahue. That's a serious crime. So is abetting the escape of someone accused of a felony."

"It wasn't like that. She scared him with a fright mask, then kept him tied up for a while. She told me that it was her idea of a kinky prom date. I suppose it was true. The young man didn't press charges, so it was easy to get her out of jail."

"Why did she pretend to be a ghost? Or say she was the daughter of the Creeper?" asked Mr. E.

"All part of her fun. She's a very disturbed young lady," said Ed. "The Mystery Inc. kids were too happy to have solved the case to think very hard about what she said, or they would have realized right away she was the wrong age, and that Deacon Carswell had no daughter ."

"Why did you get involved in a sordid case like that?" asked Mr. E.

"Because she was about to do the same thing to the Mayor's son, Fred Jones Junior. The Mayor knew there would be a scandal if she was prosecuted, so he asked me to handle it for him and get her out of town. The Mayor's a good friend of mine," said Ed.

"A very plausible story. Obviously you had it prepared just in case. But it's not the truth," said Mr. E.

"Yes, it is, I swear," said Ed.

"What about the magazine, then? Celebrity Weekly, Halloween issue?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mystery Inc. was able to break a vampire theft case quickly only because someone gave them a magazine with an article about Countess Hagula's Youth Juice. It was a joke article but the criminal didn't realize that. It predicted exactly where the thief would strike next, allowing them to catch her."

"So? What does that have to do with me?"

"The bookstore of the Crystal Cove Spook museum was out of that issue. Someone matching your description was seen entering and leaving the museum just at the right time, and later spying on the kids as after they closed the case."

"I... all right, I did that. The town needs those kids to stay together. They've solved so many crimes around here. I've been monitoring them and I knew they were on the verge of splitting up. Mayor Jones told me that it was because Shaggy chose his dog over Velma," said Ed.

"Yes, that gossip is all over town," said Mr. E. "But you went to a lot of trouble to help them crack the case."

"Not really. I had that issue of Celebrity Weekly at home. I picked up on the possibility from the first theft, and I followed them waiting for an opportunity to help. When the Star Orchid was stolen that clinched it. I slipped the magazine to Daphne Blake inside a physics book."

"Why?" asked Mr. E.

"Like I said, I wanted them to stick together. I thought the rush of victory in solving another case would help. It didn't. In the end they just walked away. It was the Char Gar Gothacon case that pulled them back together as a mystery-solving team. I had nothing to do with that," said Ed.

"Other than convincing their parents to drop them all off at Darrow University at the same time, perhaps?" Mr. E. asked.

"Perhaps," said Ed. "But it was luck that another case developed just at that time. They have amazing luck to be in the right place at the right time. And the parallels with the old Mystery Incorporated that vanished are uncanny. I could almost believe in ghosts or reincarnation. They have a parallel member for everyone in the old team," said Ed.

"Except for Professor Pericles. Nobody could compare that stupid dog to the world's smartest parrot."

"What do you know about Professor Pericles?" asked Ed.

"It's time I revealed myself," said Mr. E. "You can go ahead and sit up now. The chains were only a hypnotic suggestion."

Ed Machine sat up and pulled up the blindfold. Before him perched on a chair was a large purple parrot wearing an ascot. It was staring at him with maniacal intelligence.

"Professor Pericles? You're Mr. E?"


	3. Sidekick

**Chapter 3**

"Am I Mr. E?" Professor Pericles asked. "That depends on your point of view. I'm not the original, but I plan to be the final one holding that role. There is more than one. You have acted as Mr. E yourself (and pretended to be his agent). I suspect two people working together are the original 'Mr. E'. My suspicions are as yet unproved."

"Who are they?" Ed asked.

"My two prime suspects are Angie Dinkley and Angel Dynamite. Look how the names match. The second is a stage name, chosen to fit with the first. A team of two avenging angels."

"Avenging?" asked Ed.

"Yes, because each lost a loved one from the original Mystery Incorporated," Professor Pericles said. "Dinkley is the sister of Brad Chiles. You need only look at her, and at old pictures of him, to see the family resemblance. The freckles, the dimpled chin, and the white streak in the hair. As for Dynamite, she is the younger sister of Cassidy Williams. A picture in the K-GHOUL radio station depicts their fantasy image of themselves as a hunting team. Dynamite is an Amazon with a battle-axe. Dinkley is a tiger, a reference to the stripe in her hair. The fools think highly of themselves, don't they?"

"All right," said Ed. "If I know who they are I can get them out of the way."

"Not so fast," Professor Pericles said. "They're both close to Mystery Incorporated and their premature removal would side-track the investigation."

"You hope they will lead you to the treasure?" Ed asked.

"Ah yes, the lost treasure. That is obviously what motivates you. And myself, though I have deeper long-term goals."

"So we want the same thing. But why do I need you?"

"I'm the smarter one. I plotted my way out of that asylum. You couldn't have done that."

"Some of that was luck. You couldn't have guessed a Fright Hound would come along and help you get out."

"Indeed? The whole Fright Hound business was my doing. I had Officer Johnson, an asylum guard, completely under my hypnotic sway. Every time he came in to feed me and clean my cage my control got deeper. Each time I made him forget I had ever spoken. I even tested my control not long ago by having him tape his taser to his hand without him noticing. I commanded him to investigate single women in town with a background in robotics, and to start dating one."

"Mrs. Wyatt?" Ed asked.

"Yes, and I induced him to bring her to the asylum to show her his work. Once there, I worked on her weaknesses. She was a single mother devoted to her son, angry that he was snubbed by a girl he had a crush on. I made her see how ideal it would be to frame the dog belonging to that girl's group of friends and have it imprisoned there. It lead to the escape opportunity I'd been seeking for years – a hole in the outer wall, coupled with my release from my cell by Officer Johnson," said Professor Pericles.

"That was pretty ingenious," Ed said.

"It was pure genius," said Professor Pericles. "I have more schemes like that in the works. But I will require your assistance, now that Officer Johnson is no more use to me."

"You'll be my sidekick, like you were in the old days with Mystery Inc.?" Ed asked.

Professor Pericles gave Ed's leg an angry swipe with his claw, drawing blood. "I'm nobody's sidekick! You'll be my sidekick and messenger boy."

"I don't see why I should go along with that!" said Ed.

"Don't you? I also helped Grandma Moonbeam with her cicada-control equipment, just in order to bring you to this place. Manipulation of minds, big and small, is my specialty. And that means..."

Professor Pericles lifted a small dial in one claw, and adjusted it with his beak. From outside in every direction came the whirring sound of cicada wings.

"No... no... please," said Ed Machine, dropping to his knees.

"All right then, you're my sidekick," said Professor Pericles. "Though I think I prefer the term... pet."

The End


End file.
